I've had it!

Yesterday was the proverbial straw breaking the camel's back. The chickens are officially in need of a new home and/or purpose to mankind.

What brought me to this point?

First it was the destruction of the salad garden. The salad garden is a planter box of sorts around the base of one of the porches. I call it the salad garden because its the right size for growing various lettuces and herbs. I learned a long time ago that it was a nice dust bath area for the chickens (and a litter box for the cats when the ground was bare). Then last fall the chickens decided my almost-ready-to harvest crop of romaine was fair game, and what were nine beautiful, leafy plants were reduced to pathetic, ragged stems within a day. (Have I mentioned their previous destruction of a beautiful crop of ripe roma tomatoes, the mercilous slaughter of the bell peppers, and the defoliation of carrots the preceding summer?) At the same time one bird thought the perfect napping spot was under the branches of the rosemary, to the detriment of the thyme beside it. So I took the proactive approach this spring by putting lattice over the top of the bed until the seeds sprouted, then upgraded to the mesh fencing around the whole L-shaped box. This worked for about two weeks, when the birds' sparing on the porch railing would cause a few to land inside the mesh, causing a dust-up as the bird attempted to escape and the death of a few romaine and red leaf transplants from the local garden center. I replaced the perimeter mesh with 7-foot wide mesh so that it would form a tent over the whole thing beginning from the ground and wrapping up and over the porch railing and tied to the spindles with some baling twine. The mesh also has deterred the roosters from hanging out on the porch railing. This was last weekend's project.

Shortly after that problem was solved, the chickens decided they did not have enough space roosting on the wide-spaced boards that form a barrier between the horse pasture and the covered parking area attached to the barn (who wants a horse to reach over the fence and take a taste of their vehicles?). So they started perching ON my truck when I came home from work. I tried shushing them away but to no avail. This act quickly devolved into hanging out on the sides of the truck bed, and then became one of their preferred sparing areas as their aggression on the smallest and weakest of the group took a turn for the worst. Now I have a truck covered in chicken sh#t and plucked feathers in less than a week, and I haven't had the nerve to get out the ladder to check the paint damage to the roof.

Then yesterday was the last of it. Last fall the chickens made it a mission to defoliate the hostas and other shade plants off the back porch (oh, and made themselves another dusting area in the mulch, destroying the landscape fabric underneath the walking paths). This spring as I started to plant the raised beds, I extended the mesh fencing to surround both of the raised beds as well as the mulched hosta area. I put up with having to move/step over the fence to access the rain barrels and weed/water/plant in this large area of the back yard. Worked great until yesterday, when the chickens figured out how to get onto the porch and go around the fencing. After spending the day working from home, I walked out the door to find rooster-sized craters among the broccoli plants, the (struggling) carrot sprouts uprooted and/or covered in a thick layer of dirt, and the tops of several emerging potato and pea plants looking rather plucked.

I have reached the point where the roosters' problems far outweigh any benefit they may be providing. I am currently seeking rehoming/harvesting solutions for the birds. Unfortunately at a year of age they are no longer desirable for roasting, frying, and other common cooking methods, and I don't have the resources for mass production of chicken stock. However, I hear a neighbor may be able to put them to good use in her own freezer . . .

One thing I do know is that their days at Cheesehead Hills are numbered.